Dreaming of Chasing a Dream: What Are We Thinking? In a Dream

I live in my dream. I’m Chinese, proudly and openly Chinese. I’m not ashamed of being Chinese, and I’m not embarrassed to be Chinese! The Chinese people, the nation, and I mean the nation as a people, not the so-called PRC. Still, I’m proud of the PRC too! China’s strength couldn’t have happened without the GOV. From the middle of the twentieth century until now, honestly, from my china history textbook I’ve felt how strong China has become~ and I really admire it. That’s not sarcasm, it’s praise!

Today I got my passport. It’s for the TOEFL, or let’s say it’ll come in handy later. In class today I did some careful math. The time is close. I’m planning to take it twice, in June and in July. Roughly speaking, that leaves 3 months and 4 months. It’s not early anymore, and I don’t want to end up accomplishing nothing.

In a recent weekly journal, well, not that recent actually, it was the one from winter break, I wrote an essay titled “What Are We Thinking?” What are we thinking? I asked and answered it myself: “I know what I’m thinking. What are we thinking? We don’t know!”

Ask yourself, right now, ask yourself: “What am I thinking?” Filling my stomach, making money, getting a girlfriend, getting married, having kids… the path society lays out. That’s what we think about, right~

Why am I writing this? I’m not really sure. It’s just that one day I suddenly remembered my own dream. Will everyone one day suddenly remember their dream and then actually do something about it?

Our lives are trapped inside a tiny circle around us. We can’t get out, but others can get in. So our dreams slowly die inside the circle, and then our children and grandchildren grow conceited and arrogant~ like the frog at the bottom of the well.

Economy or education, which matters more? I can’t figure out which one matters more, so I’ll let you all take a guess~

I once wrote a short essay called “Education Is the Foundation of a Nation,” and later I threw it away like trash. It’s true, in the PRC you don’t talk about this kind of thing, and I don’t plan to say much more. In the past I wrote lots and lots of things down on paper and then forgot them. I think that’s the most realistic reality, the best way to forget your complaints and not get upset over things. At least on paper nothing gets “harmonized,” and there’s no filter checking for banned words~~ heh

Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou… these cities don’t represent China. China is one whole. Only when we can talk about a tiny village being developed will that be the real China!

What are we thinking? Many people have forgotten that they’re a kind of animal. Many people have forgotten what time is. Many people have forgotten the essence of life. Many people have forgotten where we came from. Many people have forgotten their childhood dreams. So they live just to stay alive, live for money, and some live for power, to protect and hold on to their own power…

What are we thinking? Why do we think this way? Our few decades of industrialization equal a few hundred years of capitalism, yet our thinking has progressed even more slowly than thinking did during capitalist industrialization. People call it the “Celestial Empire,” and that’s an undeniable fact.

Strong on the outside, weak on the inside. That’s how Chinese people abroad are well protected by their country, while at home………..

What are we thinking? I have no way of knowing, and it seems I don’t want to know anymore. 1.3 billion people. I’d like to think 80% of them know what they’re thinking. They should. Chinese people understand very well what they’re thinking. 80% is what I hope for. Maybe it’s not that many, maybe it’s more, but none of that seems to be any of my business. So why do I make a guess? Because I’m Chinese!

I’m in no position to say all this. I realize I’m not a celebrity… not a good student… not an official… no money… no power… no connections… no…

I’m just an ordinary person

A true descendant of the Chinese people!

Right now I only live in my dream, because I’m still some distance from my reality. It seems far away, but if I keep moving forward, I can succeed~ I haven’t forgotten the vow I made with my friends: see you at UC Berkeley~

What I used to pursue, I understand now, was all a dream I can’t make happen. I know that once politics gets involved, everything seems to………..

Silence… my choice…

Some recent news, while I’m at it:

I recently switched hosting to “Xirang,” and I think it’s pretty good. About 5V55, I really have to say: “@#￥%&……*……￥$#@^^^…… (several hundred words of profanity omitted).” The speed difference between the two hosts is huge. The new one is really fast, super fast~ and there are none of the script errors I used to get. Those script errors really did a number on me~ and now that’s finally solved~

My domain is probably still in 5V55’s hands~ even though I’m the one who registered it, heh

I’m planning to transfer it to Go Daddy at the end of April. I can’t stay in China, heh. That’s going to cost me some more money again~

I don’t know if I can get the domain transfer code~ All I can say is, I hope nothing goes wrong~

Since my domain is in 5V55’s “hands,” I won’t post too many opinions. I’ll keep a low profile~~~~~~!

Today is March 18, 2010

“Keep living my dream!”

Said the me who’s still dreaming. Go for it~

Keep moving forward, even through tears~

There’s nothing painful about it

The joy at the finish line is waiting for you~

Think differently from others

Act differently from others

That’s how you can bring change~